Hampden
I did it. Ok so I'm not 100% happy - but I never am! My aim for 2014 was to compete to the best of my ability in the final of the Commonwealth Games in front of a home crowd in Glasgow. We'll argue later if it really was me at my best but ultimately, I made it to the athlete line-up on the 28th of July in Hampden and at that point I'd achieved my goal.
Everyone says that I'll never forget the experiences I had at the Games. To tell you the truth though, a lot of that fortnight is a blur of complete madness. There was so much to take in from the minute you stepped foot in the Athlete Village to the competition venue to the Closing Ceremony. I can remember wandering round the gigantic food hall taking longer to decide where to start than it actually did to clear my fully plate. I can remember watching the action in the common room on the most comfy beanbag chairs I have every come across. I can remember spinning my training partner round by the arm when they played the Proclaimers during warmup for the Qualifying Round. Being introduced to the crowd is a complete blur. I have seen it on video and I do remember hearing the crowd go wild for my two teammates and I do know it was completely overwhelming but in some ways that's exactly why I don't 100% recall it. That's the moment where it hits you just how big this is. You've worked so hard for that moment but you haven't finished off the job yet and you have to stay focussed and not let the occasion get the better of you.
Being introduced to the crowd was very similar to walking out with Team Scotland at the Opening Ceremony. It's very humbling, very inspiring and very emotional. To have that number of people supporting you, willing you to do well is amazing, and it's unique to a home Games. I'm still incredibly grateful that Glasgow was chosen to be the host city during the part of my career when I could be part of it.
So did I do myself justice out there? Well let's look at the facts. I was in the best shape of my life but had to fight for selection and then nearly didn't make it through the Qualifying Round. It was crazy to have the crowd clapping during our warm-up throws and took a little while to get used to the incredible atmosphere. The circle was also much slower than I expected it to be - I knew they had acid-etched it because it was decided that the circle was a little slippy when wet but I was disappointed with how slow it had become. In my first throw during Qualifying, my legs turned to jelly half way through the throw and I did well to stay on my feet! It didn't really get much better after that and I was convinced that I'd completely blown the biggest competition of my life. I was sitting in the last qualifying spot for the Final with two athletes following me that on paper could easily have overtaken me. I watched those final throws with my heart in my mouth and would not believe I'd scraped through until I saw confirmation on the big screen that I was in 12th place. I think I spent the next hour or two alternating between disbelief and tears of joy!
I went in to the Final knowing that I could only do better. I was much more relaxed than the day before and it showed right from the start with a much better opening distance of 59.12m. I went into the third round in 10th place, knowing that I needed 60.65m to make the top 8 and get another three throws, which would have been an incredible achievement for me. I knew it was my best throw and I watched as it hit the 60m tape. I knew it was there or there abouts and was praying that the tape was in slightly the wrong place! I came up an agonising 50cm short and finished my Games experience with a respectable 60.16m. I would have loved to throw further but thats the furthest I've ever thrown from such a slow circle. I finished above my ranking and in the top 10 at my first senior international championships. Yes that 50cm still haunts me but with hindsight I'm incredibly proud of what I achieved.
The rest of the Games flew by and I spent most of my time watching the rest of the action. I managed to get to the weightlifting, gymnastic and badminton venues and thoroughly enjoyed watching those sessions and experiencing the unique vibe of a multi-sport event. I obviously spent a huge amount of time at Hampden, cheering on my teammates which was the best bit about competing so early! It was great to catch up with some family and friends and the support I received was out of this world. So many people came to watch and it was really nice to see them after my competition and hear how much they'd enjoyed the whole experience of an athletics session.
I still can't quite believe its all over. When you've worked solely towards one thing for such a sustained period of time you can end up feeling a bit lost when that's no longer your focus. I think I can understand now how athletes can feel depressed after they've won an Olympic gold medal. I've always thought that was completely daft - they've got an Olympic gold medal! But I think I can understand now how difficult it must to move on from such a big achievement and something that you've dedicated so much effort to. I think it'll take a little while to come back to reality after this summer and I'm not quite sure what's next - but I'm looking forward to it anyway.